Rish! he likes to present himself as a new breed of politician. The Goldman Sachs multi-millionaire we can trust to tell the truth. As inconvenient as that is. The man with the golden voice. A savior emerging from the mean streets. But the reality is that he is not so different to any other Tory leader. Party before country. Self before the party. Always open to any nefarious backroom deal if it works to his advantage. For him the equation was simple. Leaky Sue could have her job back – no questions asked – in exchange for her support as party leader. Anything to neutralize the threat of Boris Johnson’s return. And it had worked a treat. The Convict had melted making all his supporters look foolish and Rish! he had entered No. 10 unopposed. Coronation rather than election. Now was the time for the Tories to get a first look at what they had bought. Or, in some cases, for what they had sold their souls for. Day two of the ongoing Tory psychodrama and Sunak’s first Prime Minister’s Questions. In July, Johnson was once the future. In September it was Liz Truss who was once the future. Now there was no sign of any former Prime Minister in the Commons. Maybe it turns out he’s on vacation. Time then for the cabinet to inspect the damage. Michael Gove was the first to enter the Commons. He looked phlegmatic. Lost in thought. Well it might be. He has been fired and rehired so often that he knows failure is the only guarantee. He seemed really curious when Andrea Jenkins started talking about her belief in meritocracy when it comes to women and equality. Many of today’s Tory parties – including Jenkyns – have gone much further than their talents would suggest. Next up was Nadhim Zahawi. You might have thought he would have had the grace to look a little sketchy – a little embarrassed – to have switched sides so brazenly in last weekend’s manoeuvres. But the sense of entitlement is absolute. He sincerely believes that he is irreplaceable. The only way is hubris. Then came Oliver Dowden. Crackling with excitement at his return to the front line. Raab just looked surprised. Then you would if your body count was double and you still wouldn’t have been arrested. Psycho killer. Qu’est-ce que c’est? Penny Mordant just looked sullen. We’re thinking about those shortfalls that could lead to a leadership election among Tory members. They could have done almost anything. Also wondering why she hadn’t pulled out a few hours earlier. Then she could have reconciled with Reese! and become foreign minister. This mistake would haunt her for years. Last up was the shameless Leaky Sue. I dream that I am putting immigrants on a plane. She has yet to find a rule that works for her. Surprisingly, he is supposed to be a lawyer. Finally the stage was set for Sunak’s arrival. Sweet cheers echoed around the hall. Although not as many as you might expect for a new leader at his first PMQs. There is usually a barrage of good will and forced enthusiasm. The new found unity in the Tory party was only skin deep. Wendy Morton, Jacob Rees-Mogg and Kit Malthouse – all recently returned to the back benches – remained completely silent throughout. Jake Berry, the former party chairman, was absent. Missing, presumed unfaithful. Last time we wrote a tweet trashing Sunak. Keir Starmer began by congratulating Sunak on becoming the first colored person to become prime minister. It was a heartfelt gesture. It really is a great moment for the country. Then the Labor leader went on the attack. Was Leaky Sue right to resign for breaching the ministerial code? And had senior civil servants objected to her reappointment? How could the Home Secretary be a threat to national security? Rish! he could not answer this, resorting to an unintelligible word salad. Braverman had apologized and, apart from serving her punishment, six days was more than enough, although five would have been too short and everyone deserved a second chance and it wasn’t like it was a very serious offence. although it was clearly serious and he had lied about it, but in any case Jeremy Corbyn. ‘Crushed by a Prime Minister who lost to a lettuce’: Starmer attacks Sunak at first PMQs – video highlights It was like Boris-lite. Full of culture wars, but without the ability to draw his audience into his imaginations. Mostly because he doesn’t believe his own lies. Well, not enough of them. He’s too much of a Goldman Sachs master of PowerPoint. At PMQs, the Tories demand a complete narcissistic imaginary. Someone tell them they’re winners. Someone who will deliver a Promised Land. Archie Bland and Nimo Omer take you to the top stories and what they mean, free every weekday morning Privacy Notice: Newsletters may contain information about charities, online advertising and content sponsored by external parties. For more information, see our Privacy Policy. We use Google reCaptcha to protect our website and Google’s Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply. Starmer switched to his wife Sunak’s tax regime and he was shoveled out of the deprived areas in the north. “Yes,” Sunak said triumphantly. “What you have to remember is that the whole country is in chaos.” In hindsight, he might think that saying the Tories have screwed the whole of the UK isn’t quite the killer line he thinks it is. Even if it happens to be true. The exchanges ended without result. The Labor leader had exposed some glaring weaknesses, wounds that could be reopened at will at any time in the future. Sunak can’t escape his past. Although he had done enough to convince his backbenchers that he would be better than Librium Liz. Then maybe we all would. But it all ended in a bloodless goalless draw. A result that both sides probably would have expected beforehand. All new prime ministers get a free pass at their first PMQs – even Truss was enthusiastically received by the Tory press for the first time – so there’s no need to waste too much energy. There was just time for Rish! to say he was sticking to his leadership manifesto before blatantly removing parts of it and refusing to confirm whether he would increase benefits in line with inflation. He also agreed that building 8,000 new homes would be a huge mistake. Why on earth do people imagine they have a right to live somewhere? Then he simply slipped under a relatively light applause. The Tories are a fickle bunch. Leaky Sue also sneaked out just in time to avoid answering an urgent question about her rule violation. So brave. Supporter of the highest standards. So it was left to the hapless Jeremy Quinn to defend Braverman’s honor. In front of the three or four Tories who cared enough to stay. Was he ever so sorry. He would never do it again. It was the longest six days of her life. End of it.
